Monday, June 20, 2011

Things I Hate #2: Touhou

It's 2:00 AM, I look like shit, I feel like shit, and I can't sleep. Instead of shutting off the laptop and counting sheep, I decided to think about things I really hate. My Little Pony, bright colors, loud noises, crowds, Touhou....

Wait, Touhou? You mean that thing that millions upon millions of idiots like? You know...those things?

What the fuck is a Touhou? Seriously. As far as I can tell, it's a bunch of lolis that are supposed to be like 3,000,000 years old or some shit but they look like little girls. I'm not sure if they're games or what, and I don't even need to Google that shit. Fuck doing research. This would be far less entertaining if I bothered to read up on my enemy.

What do I hate about Touhous? I hate everything about Touhous. By the way, I will be referring to them as "Touhous" because I find it both disrespectful and delightfully uneducated. I could write several essays on what I hate about those cock-mongling dick demons, but instead I will use a pretty bulleted list, mostly because I enjoy looking at those:

  • They are stupid.
  • They are really, really stupid.
  • They are little girls, but at the same time they're like...infinity years old. Fuck that.
  • Seriously, fuck that.
  • The fanbase. The fanbase is nearly as bad as my flavor-of-the-month hatred bronies. Nearly.
Now, if you're actually paying attention, you'll see that I haven't actually give any concrete reasons for hating the Touhous, or the fanbase. I actually don't have the ability to put it into words, despite having a vocabulary wider than your mother's spread legs. Nope, instead I will give you a picture. Better yet, I will give you several. Suck on this, chode:



ALL OF MY WHY


I hate this guy so much that I drew a picture of him in Paint.

"AM I KAWAII? UGUU~"


SO MUCH HATRED
SO MUCH
SOOOOOO MUCH

You know the worst part about the fans and their art? Some of it is actually pretty awesome, which makes me mad. Those people have actual talent, why are they wasting it on Touhou? I know I sound like a dick ("THESE PEOPLE ARE MAKING ART OF SOMETHING THEY LIKE? PREPOSTEROUS! SCOUNDRELS AND RAPSCALLIONS, THE LOT OF 'EM!") but as I've said before, that's the beauty of this blog. I get to be irrational. I get to hate things irrationally. Best of all, you get to read it. Now then, let's look at some awesome Touhou fan art, so you can see where I'm coming from:



WAIT, I DON'T LIKE THIS






WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK GUYS, SERIOUSLY. I HAVE NEVER HATED SOMETHING THIS MUCH OH MY GOD I AM GETTING DIZZY


FUCK

FUCK

THAT DID NOT GO WELL

SERIOUSLY, FUCK YOU TOUHOU FANS, AND THIS RE-AFFIRMS MY HATRED FOR YOU BRONIES. YOU HAVE MADE AN ENEMY TODAY, BITCHES.

12 comments:

  1. When did we start using "what the actual fuck", Rya Rya?

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  2. A simple "what the fuck" could not get across the intensity of my hatred.

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  3. >What do I hate about Touhous? I hate everything about Touhous.

    Well what is your opinion of ITT Tech?

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  4. I liked EVERYTHING about ITT Tech.

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  5. "Hey, my name is ryan, and I hate _____. No not really blank is okay, but the fucking fans suck!" I see a them here! You clearly have autism and form aspy rage after realizing that things always have terrible fans, including yourself, you horny fucking jew. You're the reason I hate reading blogs on here.

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  6. What do ponies have to do with anything, they don't even have armpits.

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  7. I hate ponies and I hate Touhou. You cannot mix the two, unless you want me to have a heart attack.

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  8. Dude, I just read this and your MLP hatred rant, and I know this is mad old but dude...I freakin love you no homo

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    Replies
    1. I forgot I wrote these, but I love you too man.

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  9. Aw, c'mon. Not all touhou fans are loli obsessed men in their mid 40's. Some of us are actually pretty decent people.
    Touhou is a shooter/danmaku game (Danmaku means "bullet hell")where you basically have to dodge a fuckload of bullets in pretty colors and patterns while also shooting your enemy to kill them before you get killed. Also, did I mention that the boss themes are really awesome? Seriously, this game music is the shit.
    Anyways, I don't really get and I really want to know why you think the fanbase is so horrible. If it's because some people are obsessed with it, that doesn't make sense, because a lot of people are obsessed with different things, but you don't hate them...

    Anyways, you don't know the fanbase, so you have no right to judge. Actually, I don't really care what the hell you do, but I'm just curious as to why, I mean if it's some kind of rage you can even explain.

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  10. Erm, about the ''Millions of years old'' part, that can be considered racist since the ones who are that old aren't human, rather Japanese mythology based creatures, and the age is a part of it. Also, I DO agree that our fanbase can be rather bad at times, but not all the time. Touhou has some of the most interesting stories and even games that are multiplayer. They aren't all little girls, maybe you seen only the ones who are little (i.e Flandre Scarlet, Cirno, etc.) But characters like Yuuka actually look like adults. So the only thing that you stated that could be considered true is about the bad side of the fanbase.

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